The Trip to Ninevah

 Today I was talking to my husband in the kitchen and we were talking about raising our children. We do this a lot, like any parents who really want to raise their children in the way they should go. We want to be careful that the tools we are using are the right ones. 

One “tool” that came up in discussion is the “first time obedience” tool. This is something we have always wanted our kids to excel at, I mean, who wouldn’t? I would love it if our kids immediately jumped up and did whatever it was they were asked to do, when they were asked to do it, without me having to repeat myself. Of course, while that does happen, it doesn’t always happen. We are still learning and when I say we, I mean Gary and I as well as the kids.

The question was asked, “Why do we want to teach our kids first time obedience?”

Without revealing who said what, here are a couple of our brutally honest answers:

Because I am in a hurry and I need them to move it!

Because then I can say I have children who obey right away. (Ugh, let’s deal with that pride)

Because I get frustrated when they don’t listen.

Next question, “ Do we practice first time obedience ourselves?”

This question was hard to answer. Mostly because we don’t want to say No. Also because we really do try. But while we may get it right, we also fail. We may not be sure we are hearing. We may hear “selectively”. We may let doubt and fear carry us in another direction. We maybe just plain don’t want to do it. 

“How do we respond to our kids when they do not obey right away, or worse, continue to not respond after we repeat ourselves?”

(Ok this is hard to admit, but I came all this way and We are going somewhere sweet so I won’t back down now!)

Well, I try to use choices to get them to move forward but when they don’t I usually end up just picking them up and moving them to where they need to be. I know, you probably can think of twenty better answers (please let me know what they are!) but like I said, brutally honest here. I get frustrated. I get angry. I am anxious about the time, etc. I physically move them.

“How does God deal with us when we do not respond to or obey what we do hear him say?”

Yikes. Well, for me, I know many times I have been given another chance, another opportunity time and time again. Does He get frustrated with me? I don’t think so. I never feel that from Him. And I don’t believe He gets angry either. I also don’t think he is worried about the time. He does, after all, have all eternity at His disposal. 

I don't think I have ever experienced God picking me up and moving me where I need to be. But experience is not To lead us, the Word of God is. I was just about to say that I cannot think of anytime in the Bible that God ever picked someone up and moved them into where they were supposed to be when I realized there is someone! 

Jonah. He was supposed to go to Ninevah. He didn’t just “not go”. He actually ran the other way. Hmmm..... sounds familiar - on so many levels. 

Next question, “How did God do it?” Because if the ultimate Father did it, then there is a right way to do it and He can show me how. I saw something that I don’t think I have ever seen before. God showed Jonah mercy. He took Jonah from where he shouldn’t be and there, in the midst of his disobedience, he moved him to where he should be. Rather than get angry and call down fire and judgement and strike him dead in his rebellion, God swallowed him up in His mercy and brought him to Ninevah. That whole book is about mercy, isn’t it? Check it out.

So, when my son isn’t coming right away to get his shoes on because he is assembling something spectacular with his legos and he is not quite finished and his little brain just can’t let it go, I have a choice. I can get frustrated with him and let my anxiety rise to new heights and disconnect and start yelling. I can put all his stuff in time-out and punish him, which in some cases, might be the answer, just saying. Or maybe, just maybe, this can be a moment when I can show him mercy. Not by grabbing him and pulling him away from his project and towards the door. But by coming along side of him, connecting with him, helping him get his creation to at least a good stopping place and then move him toward obedience. I think that is showing mercy. I think it takes putting my agenda down for two measly minutes and connecting with his heart, reminding him that our relationship is important and that so is he. Fill up his love tank, it only takes a minute, and then draw him into what we need to do.

I realize that every child is different and the way their little mind works is unique and not quite fully developed. As a parent I want to help them navigate life and learn all those important things, like, sometimes you just have to stop and do stuff because it has to be done even if you don’t want to do it. And I am still figuring out how to do that. First time obedience is something I want my children to learn, but I need the Holy Spirit to teach me that very thing and rely on Him to show me when it’s time for that lesson and when it’s time for mercy. Because even those hard lessons can and should be done in love, not frustration, in wisdom, not anxiety, and in peace, not anger and fear. 

It’s such a different approach than what I grew up with. I have to remind myself that I was raised by people from a different time in a different world and they used what they knew to raise me. Although many of those lessons and truths were and are important and good, my list of what I instill in my children cannot be formed only by my past experience because I do not know what the future holds for them. God does. And he made my kids. So He knows them and their future together along with all that they need to be and do all that He created them to be and to do. He gave us to them as parents and gives us everything we need to be the parents they need, if we will just look to Him. I must treat them like the royalty they are if I do not want to raise them as paupers. I must look to the King to show me how. Because my own ideas of royalty have been skewed by my upbringing, by my culture, and other influences. True sons and daughters of the king are strong, compassionate, powerful, champions, defenders, fighters, wise, righteous peace makers. As their parent, I want everything I do to instill that into them, to agree with God, to move with God as He raises them. 

And to do that, it must be my own reality first.

1/14/19